+++ INCOMING TRANSMISSION+++
ENCRYTION LEVEL: VERMILILLION
SOURCE: SUAC HIGH COMMAND
Priority target acquired.
Location: Dunster, Somerset
Date: 12/6/17 – 18/6/17
Your mission should you choose to accept; rendezvous with Agent M at Field Base 1 on 11/6/17 and proceed to the staging point 1 in the morning. Your primary objective is to shoot in the competition held under the watch of those in the fortification above. Do not fear, support will be provided in the form of Agents N, L, C, K. Agents S and R will provide additional support later on in the week. Agents N and L will provide mobile support to your team. Your secondary and tertiary objectives are to win some shinies and to have fun.
As always, should you or any of your team be captured, SUAC high command will deny all knowledge of your existence.
May all your shots be goldish and those of the opposition find the green
Mission Report: Day 0
With the completion of BUCs at Lilleshall, Agents W and L left at 1530 hours to get down to Field Base 1, where they would rendezvous with Agent M. Agents N, K and C would follow on later when all of SUAC left. Nothing major of note to report on the journey down, apart from a very stupid pheasant on the M5 which decided to walk across 3 lanes of traffic. We suspect he was working for Birmingham University in an attempt to prevent us reaching our destination. The Land Rover in the middle lane abruptly stopped this. It was then noted that birds in Somerset tended towards suicidal tendencies, with several low flying or stationary pigeons in the road. The transport that Agent L had acquired soon rectified this. The transport also struggled with the large hills which are prominent in Somerset. It should be suggested to upgrade small engines for the next mission so as to avoid climbing hills at 25 mph with the throttle to the floor. Please also note that Field Base 1 is situated on a 1:4 hill. Agent W and L arrived at 2000 hours. With the rest arriving around 2330 hours. With a brief exploration of the base, the team quickly sorted themselves out for bed.
Mission Report: Day 1
Conditions: Very Gusty but with bursts of sunshine
The start of the week saw another WA1440 being shot but for Agents C and L, this was their 1st attempt at the full round rather than the novice distances. The gusty conditions didn’t help matters. Others on the gents line formed the two targets over club at 1100 hours. Agent W found his sight marks were very high resulting in many thwocks as the number board was hit. The one and only scoring arrow for the first end was also a line cutter 1. Agent W was joined by Alumini on his target down one end of the line, while the rest of the gents shooting were down the other. While trying to only reach a small target, the line “I was wondering how long it would take you to get there” was said, which of course meant the response had to be “REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED”.
During lunch, Agent L displayed his immense mental abilities by playing pin ball with a drop of water on his trousers. Agents C and N had decided that the round wasn’t going so well and so headed for the beer tent. Having misheard Agents N’s name, the team contemplated what it would be like to have a nickel arse.
The afternoons shooting continued much the same as the mornings apart from going down to 3 arrow ends on a large face at the shorter distances. This slightly confused Agent W as he had less chance to miss. With only 2 dozen to go, Agent C overtook Agent L after a close fought battle all day. With the round completed, a trip to resupply at the local store was in order, at which point Agent C promptly tied himself up.
Back at Field Base 1, there was much confusion over cooking in the old Rayburn oven rather than a standard gas or electric oven. Having been fed, the team settled down to a game of Joking Hazard and Camelot. Much of what was in Joking hazard hasn’t been included in this report due to the fact that it is all with picture cards and would mainly have to be redacted anyway.
Mission Report: Day 2
Conditions: Calm but sunny
Day 2 saw all Agents present to congregate at the field for the Albion. Agent K found that a little Gary was constantly present in her head. The cardboard cut-out wasn’t needed in this instance. With the wind dying down from the previous day, the scores improved. Agent N remarked during a snack break that “There is a surprising amount of bend in this Pringle” *Snap!!*
The other event of note during the shoot was the fun that was had in describing the weird things done when inebriated. It should be noted that no Agents were partaking in the drinking at this point in time. The winner was one of the gents on the target next to Agent W who managed to “borrow” a penguin. There is no memory of this occurring and he was quite confused when he went into the bathroom the next day to find it in the bath. To this day there is much confusion over how this occurred.
With the shoot complete, it was time for the Dutch auction in which Agent N won a bottle of alcohol. The only other thing to note was during the awards to the bent stick brigade, one of them exclaimed that as the low scores were so low, they shouldn’t have done so well by getting into double figures. On the way back to the car, Agents N and C engaged in Pun o’clock with the subject as being trees. To preserve the sanity of everyone else, these will not be repeated. Suffice to say that Agent K wanted to leave. Immediately.
Mission Report: Day 3
Day 3 saw all Agents take a break from shooting as it was Longbow day. After a late cooked breakfast, everyone headed off to watch Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. Despite being stuck behind a caravan for about 20 minutes doing 30 mph on a single carriage way with the national speed limit in place, all Agents arrived on schedule for the film. Without giving away anything, it is very good and Agent L reckons that it has one of the best opening sequences ever.
After the film, Agent N and K went off to rendezvous with Agent S at the station while Agents M, L and W went back to Field Base 1 to investigate the barbecue. This took a very long time to heat up, but food was quickly added when it did. The Keg of Signal took centre stage on the table. After rations had been consumed, everyone made a tactical withdrawal (never a retreat) back into the house to watch Attack of the Clones and play Bananagram (Scrabble on a clock). Agent C seemed to get very annoyed when Agent W kept stealing his board when he was just about to win, blowing up his board or simply taking his tiles. This was very amusing to watch.
Mission Report: Day 4
Round: Double 2-way clout
Conditions: Sunny with light wind
Thursday saw the most fun round of the week, the Clout. Here, archers shoot at a flag, 180 yards away for Gents, and a ring is drawn around it. The closer to the flag, the more points are scored. Having practised the week before, all Agents were in high hopes of getting good scores which shows in the results. Agents L and C were on one flag whilst Agents M and W on another. Everyone shot very well, though Agent M kept losing his arrows in the short grass, silly compounder. At one point, Agent M was shooting his third spare arrow, with one arrow lost at either end of the field. It was also discovered that the metal detectors detect each other within about 5 m of each other. Whilst some Agents were shooting, Agents N, K and S watched and had a wander through the village. Agent K embarked on her secondary mission of the week whilst also managing to drop her needle in the grass.
At the end of the shoot, Agents M and W discovered that they were each a few points off their respective records whilst Agent M had also claimed the single record for the round. However, one of Agent M’s arrows is currently MIA.
Everyone took part in the Presidents volley, aiming at a cardboard cut-out of a castle. Agent C massively misjudged the distance along with everyone else on his clout flag and so nearly put an arrow through the tents behind the castle. One guy did actually manage to do this, although thankfully, no casualties have so far been reported.
However, it is with great sadness that I must inform you that one of Agent W’s arrows can be confirmed as KIA during the collection of the President’s Volley. It has done its county proud and his sacrifice will not be forgotten. The shaft shall be laid to rest in a special service later this month.
The team made their way back to Field Base 1 for resupply in the form of a Tuna pasta bake from Agent K. During the meal, Agent N remarked that “There may be blood on the fridge, or it could just be jam”. At another point Agent M was heard to say “That makes my REDACTED shrivel up”.
Mission Report: Day 5
Conditions: Sunny with light wind
The 5th Day of Operation Dunster saw the Western round being shot by Agents W, N, K, C and S. There is very little to report from the shoot itself as very little of import occurred. The quote of the day, however, has to be awarded to Agent N of “If at first you don’t succeed, do what the team wife [Agent K] suggests.” This was until Agent R arrived after the shoot. At which point things got a lot REDACTED. Agent L also reported that “It’s not broken, it’s just very small”.
A small amount of down leave was also in order at the end of a long shooting week, so everyone slurped off to Dunster Beach to see the sea. Agent L was confused to discover the existence of the long slipway while Agent R tried not to get her feet wet in the sea.
Mission Report: Day 6
Round: Double York/ Hereford with Nationals
Conditions: Sunny with light wind
The start of the final weekend dawned bright and with very little wind. This meant it was the start of the long rounds. Agents L, C, W and N took on the York, whilst Agents M, K and S during the afternoon shot the National with Agent R competing in the Hereford. Agent C found that he could actually aim at the target rather than a point on the hill behind whilst Agent W found his arrows were attracted to the number board. The scores weren’t amazing up till lunch, with Agent N shooting 7 arrows for the final end and Agent W retiring at lunch. During lunch, Agent L discovered something squishy at the bottom of his bag and Agents C and M discussed experimenting with a blow torch and some bones. After lunch, Agent C managed to drop his phone in front of the shooting line and had to collect it from the judge. Agent N had a serious mind blank during the afternoon shoot as instead of simply agreeing with a statement responded with “the opposite of dis-concurrence”. Would advise an increase in the strength of his medication. (Approval Granted by SUAC High Command)
With the shoot complete, a tactical withdrawal to Field Base 1 was undertaken before heading out to the PUB to celebrate Agent R’s 21st Birthday. Until the food arrived, the team were stymied by the cryptic clues of various word puzzles left at the table. However, food soon took precedence. As it should. Once this was consumed, Agent K revealed the work of her second mission to Agent R and everyone trouped back to the house up the steep slow.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Why are there cows above us [on the top of the hill]?”, Agent M’s response: “Because the steaks have been raised “
Mission Report: Day 7
Round: Double York/ Hereford with Nationals
Conditions: Sunny and hot
The final day of the competition dawned sunny and it would stay that way for the entire day with negligible wind. With Field Base 1 left in top nick, Agents L and R carried on shooting, whilst the rest of the team decided to either retire or weren’t shooting anyway. Agents M, K and W headed off into Dunster village to miss the steam train by 5 minutes, at which point they turned back to the shoot due to the heat. A trip round the village was also in order, so Agents M and K sampled some of the local cider whilst having a very good carvery whilst Agent K settled for a baguette in the tea rooms. The afternoon, saw an attempt by the team to watch the 3rd Star Wars prequel, however windows updates were having none of it. Agents L and R finished the shoot in good spirits and it was time to wait for the results to be given out. Agent W:”It should only take an hour” Famous last words, 2.5 hours later, the team left the tent having picked up a medal for Agent R as the visitor Lady for the Double Hereford. There was disappointment in the fact that no medals were awarded for the Nationals as Agent K would have picked up one as well. The arrow that Agent M thought was MIA was found within the clout flag circle he had been on Day 4, which would have meant that he would have beaten the club record. Commiserations are in order.
A quick exit from the field, minus a small stop for a group photo, to beat the rush of archers was in order. A number of events of import should be reported for the journey back. First of all, the navigation system of Agent K’s phone will be in need of an update after asking the team to drive straight on at a roundabout where there was only a left and right turning. The route chosen took the team through many a strange place, including the mystic town called West Camel near to the Queen Camel. This was later followed by Chicklade and Fugglestone. There should also be questions asked about the naming of new bands from the radio as one has been called Dinosaurpile-up. Despite these freak occurrences, the team made it back to Primary HQ around 2300 hours at which point the team were dismissed.
Primary Objective: Achieved
Secondary Objective: Achieved
Tertiary Objective: Achieved
Overall Mission status: Successful and the Steaks thoroughly raised